i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
