Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
