..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
