you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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