She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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