I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
