Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
