i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
