No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
