very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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