RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
