I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
be right there i have to get my cape
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
