This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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