I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
