Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
