Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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