nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
