I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
