so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
