I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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