yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
