Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
