my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
