I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
