I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
