yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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