This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
