I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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