your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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