your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
