I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
