this beer tastes like vomit already
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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