oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Acid is not a monday night drug
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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