I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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