My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
