Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
