I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
