we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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