So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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