She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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