I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
