my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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