when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
