She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
