If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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