So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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