Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
