i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
