Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
