Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
