They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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