Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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