there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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