it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
