My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
