Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
