First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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