is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
