Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
