That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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