we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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