Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
