Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
