i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I did not marry a roomba.
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